"The sun comes up
It's a new day dawning
It's time to sing your song again.
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes."
Even if I started singing and praising the Lord right now, I don't think I could ever come close to giving Him as much thanks as He deserves for what He has done in my life. Everything just always really works out. I wish I could say that I never have any doubts but I do. Sometimes things get really dark in my heart and I have to just cry and pray that He takes away the dark and replaces it with light. And then, wow, He just really comes through with something big.
I've been given an awesome opportunity for no real reason. I mean, there's seriously no reason for me to be given something so amazing, but that He has something in mind. Don't know what it is, but I'm ready.
My life has been a series of coincidences lately. I was supposed to be in Baton Rouge last summer but ended up getting the shift last minute and being almost unemployed all summer which was a dark dark place in my life, but because I was unemployed I was offered a position in New Brunswick, Canada for this school year. Obviously, that fell through at the last minute, but because it was so last minute my only option was to go to St. Pete for half a year which is where I experienced the amazing/terrifying/overwhelming power of the Spirit and Christ came into my life. Because the project was only half a year, I was able to come to Kentucky for the rest of the year where I have had the opportunity to really experience the Spirit and study the Word. I just seriously know 100% that everything that has happened is because of God's plan for me. He's working on something big for me and I can't wait to know what that is. I think back to when I found out I wasn't going to Baton Rouge this past summer and how distraught I was, how unfair I thought it was, but now I see the benefit. I see how everything worked out. It's like when Joseph got sold into slavery by his brothers and I'm sure everything looked so dark and grim, but then he ended up being second in command to Pharaoh and living a good long life and enabling his family and many many people to survive years of famine. God's always working through all sorts of venues.
Ahhhh, I love when God just really makes His presence known.
I know everyone else in the world must think I'm a crazy person, but I just love knowing that some coincidences are divine.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
The Spirit
I started The Forgotten God tonight. Francis Chan is such a great writer. He uses the scripture as the foundation of his message instead of picking a message and then choosing scripture to support it. He says that the Holy Spirit is what sets Christians apart from others. It's how we show that we belong to Christ and what empowers us to glorify God. I'm blessed that I have felt the Spirit move within me. Well, I had to, I guess. I never would have allowed God to work within me if the Spirit hadn't knocked me down back in St. Pete. It's such a great feeling now that I'm not terrified of it. It took me quite a well to get over the initial terror of that indescribable feeling.
I'm going home to north Alabama this weekend. Oh man, I can't wait. I love my family and my home church and just being around people that know me and love me and I can be real around. It's funny how I plan my weekends (and would gladly plan my weeks if there were opportunities) around Bible study and church. Oh gee, y'all, this is still all so new to me. I feel like I should be in the kid's Sunday school class because I just still don't know how to live my life as a Christian. I still have so much to learn that I want to study and fellowship with other Christians as much as possible!
My mind is utterly exhausted from taking all this on by myself.
I can't keep my eyes open! Good night <3
Monday, February 25, 2013
Real Men
I finished reading Galatians tonight. It is good for us to have all of these letters from Paul to see the same message being spoken over and over and over again to the churches. No more division. No more morality based on the old Law. Salvation through Christ. Salvation through faith. A cross-centered gospel. At the end of the letter Paul comments on how big his letters (handwriting) are when he writes them on his own. It's little things like that that bring the Bible home for me. These were real men and women. Suffering reals pains. Feeling real anguish and just wanting to save as many people as they could through the gospel of Christ. I wish I could see his real letter. I wish I could see just how aggravated he was with the churches through the appearance of his handwriting.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Pause. Rewind.
I can't believe how fast time goes by. I started this Radical experiment on 2/7 and it's already 2/24. I feel like it hasn't been a week. Our lives really aren't even a blip on the time plane. There's so much I want to do and every day I'm running out of time. Every day I'm losing chances. Every day I'm losing moments.
If only I could go back and reclaim those years I lost wandering desolately and running away from God. Where would I have ended up if I had let Him in years ago? Probably way better off than where I'm at now. 26 and nothing to show for it.
I have this sense of urgency and there aren't enough hours in the day to get where I want to be. I want to finish reading the Bible so I can start reading it again with more knowledge this time around. I want to take online seminary courses on the history of the text. I want to do mission work in so so so many countries. I want a family. I want a farm and a simple life in the country with a good husband and however many children God wants to bless me with. There just isn't enough time. I'm too late already.
If only I could go back and reclaim those years I lost wandering desolately and running away from God. Where would I have ended up if I had let Him in years ago? Probably way better off than where I'm at now. 26 and nothing to show for it.
I have this sense of urgency and there aren't enough hours in the day to get where I want to be. I want to finish reading the Bible so I can start reading it again with more knowledge this time around. I want to take online seminary courses on the history of the text. I want to do mission work in so so so many countries. I want a family. I want a farm and a simple life in the country with a good husband and however many children God wants to bless me with. There just isn't enough time. I'm too late already.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Stages of Transition
I finished 2 Corinthians. In the letter Paul is writing to the church in Corinth, you can feel his frustration, his sadness, his longing. It's a depressing book, but it's interesting to see that side of Paul rather than his lengthy stints of theology and rhetoric. I wish the letter was no longer relevant to the church. I'm afraid if Paul was trying to oversee all of the churches today, he would live in constant turmoil, anger, and confusion. None of us are without sin, I know that, but I can vouch for the idea that when Christ comes into your heart, you change. There are some within the church that haven't had that transformation yet. Hypocrisy, judgment, scandal, bigotry -- those are still serious issues within the church. Those issues give unbelievers a way out of the church.
Before my conversion, I looked at most ''Christians" and thought, no way do I want any part in that, those people suck to be around. I knew atheists and agnostics who were doing more with humanitarian efforts and just old fashioned good manners and loving personalities who acted more like Christ than some "Christians" I came into contact with. Thankfully, my church back home is amazing and you can feel the Spirit moving there. You can see light in the members of Hollis Memorial church for sure. I want to always be a light. When I go to do missions, I want folks to see that light within me. I want them to know that I can do whatever I do because it is Christ who strengthens me.
I never want to boast; I never want to judge; I never want to be self-righteous. Trust me, I'm worthless and grubby and weak without Christ. I acknowledge that willingly and thankfully. I just pray that God fills the church with his Spirit and that hearts are open to Him.
Anyway...that's not what I had planned to blog about...
I also finished "What is the Gospel?" It was really good to read that as I'm going through the New Testament in my studies because it gives me a better perspective on The Message. It provides a lens with which to read Paul's letters.
Next, I'm going to read Forgotten God by Francis Chan. It's about the Holy Spirit. I'm very excited to see what I can glean from this book since I feel like the Spirit is leading me somewhere, maybe it'll help me discern what I'm being guided towards.
I learned how to play Amazing Grace on guitar!! The finger movements are becoming a lot more fluid with practice. I'm delving into chords now that I've learned all the notes on the strings. I can read music now, at least notes and time. It feels really encouraging to finally put this knowledge into application. If all I ever learn how to play on guitar is Amazing Grace, then by golly, I will play Amazing Grace every morning when I wake up to remember what God has done for me.
I went hiking today. I was reminded of my "kidnapped by Christians" hike, so when I was overlooking all the wonders of creation I thought of that psalm and smiled this time.
Six months ago, I would have scoffed at the kinds of things I'm writing here. I've always been such a guarded person; I don't like anyone to see me vulnerable. My, my, how life has changed. And now, everything is possible because I know God will bring me through the tough times. I know he will equip me with the skills I need to serve him effectively.
I've just got to keep my head up.
Before my conversion, I looked at most ''Christians" and thought, no way do I want any part in that, those people suck to be around. I knew atheists and agnostics who were doing more with humanitarian efforts and just old fashioned good manners and loving personalities who acted more like Christ than some "Christians" I came into contact with. Thankfully, my church back home is amazing and you can feel the Spirit moving there. You can see light in the members of Hollis Memorial church for sure. I want to always be a light. When I go to do missions, I want folks to see that light within me. I want them to know that I can do whatever I do because it is Christ who strengthens me.
I never want to boast; I never want to judge; I never want to be self-righteous. Trust me, I'm worthless and grubby and weak without Christ. I acknowledge that willingly and thankfully. I just pray that God fills the church with his Spirit and that hearts are open to Him.
Anyway...that's not what I had planned to blog about...
I also finished "What is the Gospel?" It was really good to read that as I'm going through the New Testament in my studies because it gives me a better perspective on The Message. It provides a lens with which to read Paul's letters.
Next, I'm going to read Forgotten God by Francis Chan. It's about the Holy Spirit. I'm very excited to see what I can glean from this book since I feel like the Spirit is leading me somewhere, maybe it'll help me discern what I'm being guided towards.
I learned how to play Amazing Grace on guitar!! The finger movements are becoming a lot more fluid with practice. I'm delving into chords now that I've learned all the notes on the strings. I can read music now, at least notes and time. It feels really encouraging to finally put this knowledge into application. If all I ever learn how to play on guitar is Amazing Grace, then by golly, I will play Amazing Grace every morning when I wake up to remember what God has done for me.
I went hiking today. I was reminded of my "kidnapped by Christians" hike, so when I was overlooking all the wonders of creation I thought of that psalm and smiled this time.
Six months ago, I would have scoffed at the kinds of things I'm writing here. I've always been such a guarded person; I don't like anyone to see me vulnerable. My, my, how life has changed. And now, everything is possible because I know God will bring me through the tough times. I know he will equip me with the skills I need to serve him effectively.
I've just got to keep my head up.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Needed: Headlamp, 90 Lumens preferred
I'm concerned. Nervous. Anxious.
Sometimes I get this overwhelming sense that I'm supposed to do something, or go somewhere, or follow this path, and I think, 'this must be God' because it's such a powerful feeling.
And I wait. And then things go awry. I just can't make sense of where I'm supposed to be headed. I feel like I'm hiking up a mountain in the middle of the night, there's dim moonlight but not enough to see more than a foot ahead, I'm alone and it's quiet. Panic. What if I lose my way? What if I never get to the destination? What if this whole time I've been moving in the wrong direction? What If I didn't read the map correctly?
It's been two weeks since I decided to go to Uganda next summer, but I still haven't heard confirmation. My next year really hinges on the fact that I'm going to Uganda. I've built myself up for it. I can't think of anything else that I want to do more. I feel so sure I'm supposed to go, but what if I misread the plan? My heart will break.
As I'm praying through all of these nations on operationworld.org, I have only added to my list of all the places I want to serve. I need to meet myself a nice Christian man who wants to be a missionary with me so I can just do this for the rest of my life. Taking applications....
Sometimes I get this overwhelming sense that I'm supposed to do something, or go somewhere, or follow this path, and I think, 'this must be God' because it's such a powerful feeling.
And I wait. And then things go awry. I just can't make sense of where I'm supposed to be headed. I feel like I'm hiking up a mountain in the middle of the night, there's dim moonlight but not enough to see more than a foot ahead, I'm alone and it's quiet. Panic. What if I lose my way? What if I never get to the destination? What if this whole time I've been moving in the wrong direction? What If I didn't read the map correctly?
It's been two weeks since I decided to go to Uganda next summer, but I still haven't heard confirmation. My next year really hinges on the fact that I'm going to Uganda. I've built myself up for it. I can't think of anything else that I want to do more. I feel so sure I'm supposed to go, but what if I misread the plan? My heart will break.
As I'm praying through all of these nations on operationworld.org, I have only added to my list of all the places I want to serve. I need to meet myself a nice Christian man who wants to be a missionary with me so I can just do this for the rest of my life. Taking applications....
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
When Words Fail...
music.
I might be a mess before Lent is over. I can't handle him on the cross.
"you tore the veil
you made a way
when you said 'it was done.'" - At the Cross by Hillsong
Pretty much every single word in this song:
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North
I might be a mess before Lent is over. I can't handle him on the cross.
"you tore the veil
you made a way
when you said 'it was done.'" - At the Cross by Hillsong
Pretty much every single word in this song:
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Powerful Prayer
Some people just have a natural knack for prayer. I do not. I have to pray aloud or I get distracted. Sometimes, I get distracted anyway. I'm always very conscientious of my prayer so then I get frazzled trying not to ask for too much or not to forget anything or not to sound irreverent. It's daunting to speak to God.
Here's a prayer from the operationworld.org prayercast. Tonight's country is Costa Rica. This man who is praying has a way with prayer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=iPvWCI6XFC8#!
Here's a prayer from prayercast, but it's from a couple of days ago for Botswana. It has stuck in my head because it's so heartfelt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2Zw6Kc7baFU
Each of the prayers sound so different, but both are touching. I enjoy hearing others pray.
I totally believe in the power of prayer. Since I've started praying, I've had three definitive examples of God answering prayers that I have specifically prayed for (one being for my own benefit, but the other two being for others' health issues). I hope that one day my prayers can sound as graceful and effortless as those two examples.
Praise God for his healing power and his comforting answers.
Goodnight <3
Here's a prayer from the operationworld.org prayercast. Tonight's country is Costa Rica. This man who is praying has a way with prayer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=iPvWCI6XFC8#!
Here's a prayer from prayercast, but it's from a couple of days ago for Botswana. It has stuck in my head because it's so heartfelt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2Zw6Kc7baFU
Each of the prayers sound so different, but both are touching. I enjoy hearing others pray.
I totally believe in the power of prayer. Since I've started praying, I've had three definitive examples of God answering prayers that I have specifically prayed for (one being for my own benefit, but the other two being for others' health issues). I hope that one day my prayers can sound as graceful and effortless as those two examples.
Praise God for his healing power and his comforting answers.
Goodnight <3
Monday, February 18, 2013
I googled "scriptures on rest"
That's how tired I am. I need biblical permission to just rest. I was sick for the majority of weekend, but I don't think feverish dreams and passing out from dehydration count as rest. I am happy in my work. I enjoy working. I love what I do. I love what I do outside of work; studying the scripture, playing guitar, knitting, jogging, walking my pup, reading novels, etc, but rarely do I take the time to just rest. A scripture comes to mind now that I'm not googling it. When Elijah was listening for the Lord and the voice did not come to him in an earthquake or a roaring wind but it came to him, finally, in an inaudible whisper. If we don't rest, how will we know if God is speaking to us? I need to rest. Really, I need to just listen and have quiet time with God.
Bible study tonight was not what I had envisioned it to be. I probably will not be going back. God speaks to each of us in different ways I believe, and so these women enjoy reading what I term as more of self-help books. I want to read the Word, y'all! I want to actually study the Bible; I mean, I need to. Or at least read books that tell you how to read the Bible. *sigh*
I have my second guitar lesson tomorrow. I hope I've made adequate progress. I'm enjoying learning how to read music. When I was first learning how to play guitar, my teacher just taught me songs, he didn't really set me up for independence. This teacher is having me learn how to read music, so I'll be able to translate this talent over into many other instruments. I would like to learn to play piano and banjo and mandolin and violin and ukelele....
I finished 1 Corinthians tonight! Lots of debatable lessons in there. Especially those verses about women being silent in the church. I like gender roles, personally. I know that's probably strange for a modern woman to say, but I like that men have certain responsibilities to women and to the church and to their family, etc and that women have certain responsibilities to men and to the church and to their family, etc. But before you start pandering me about my backward and conservative ideas, I will steadfastly argue that in the eyes of God and in the eyes of humanity, genders should be equal. But they ARE created different and so are each better-constructed for certain tasks, although I believe God can call whomever He pleases to do whatever He wills and I ain't gonna argue with Him.
I can do anything that a man can do, but when it is time for me to get married, I believe my husband will have the responsibility of being the spiritual head of my household and I will trust him in all matters to decide what's best for me and my family (which is why I'll probably never find a suitable husband). And I will serve him in all wifely duties, not to be named here, etc whatever.
(That entire paragraph I'm sure will be taken out of context for the rest of my life and used against me in a variety of manners).
I've got to start thinking of fundraising ideas to get me to Uganda next summer. I don't like thinking or worrying about money; it's always been an uncomfortable topic for me. It's hard to take money from people without the promise of paying them back. I feel like I need to earn everything that I receive. Hmm. I'll keep myself open to ideas.
Goodnight <3
"Keep alert, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love." 1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Bible study tonight was not what I had envisioned it to be. I probably will not be going back. God speaks to each of us in different ways I believe, and so these women enjoy reading what I term as more of self-help books. I want to read the Word, y'all! I want to actually study the Bible; I mean, I need to. Or at least read books that tell you how to read the Bible. *sigh*
I have my second guitar lesson tomorrow. I hope I've made adequate progress. I'm enjoying learning how to read music. When I was first learning how to play guitar, my teacher just taught me songs, he didn't really set me up for independence. This teacher is having me learn how to read music, so I'll be able to translate this talent over into many other instruments. I would like to learn to play piano and banjo and mandolin and violin and ukelele....
I finished 1 Corinthians tonight! Lots of debatable lessons in there. Especially those verses about women being silent in the church. I like gender roles, personally. I know that's probably strange for a modern woman to say, but I like that men have certain responsibilities to women and to the church and to their family, etc and that women have certain responsibilities to men and to the church and to their family, etc. But before you start pandering me about my backward and conservative ideas, I will steadfastly argue that in the eyes of God and in the eyes of humanity, genders should be equal. But they ARE created different and so are each better-constructed for certain tasks, although I believe God can call whomever He pleases to do whatever He wills and I ain't gonna argue with Him.
I can do anything that a man can do, but when it is time for me to get married, I believe my husband will have the responsibility of being the spiritual head of my household and I will trust him in all matters to decide what's best for me and my family (which is why I'll probably never find a suitable husband). And I will serve him in all wifely duties, not to be named here, etc whatever.
(That entire paragraph I'm sure will be taken out of context for the rest of my life and used against me in a variety of manners).
I've got to start thinking of fundraising ideas to get me to Uganda next summer. I don't like thinking or worrying about money; it's always been an uncomfortable topic for me. It's hard to take money from people without the promise of paying them back. I feel like I need to earn everything that I receive. Hmm. I'll keep myself open to ideas.
Goodnight <3
"Keep alert, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love." 1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Praise God for Technology!
Tonight I got to Skype with my bible study group from Scottsboro. It felt like being at home again! It's nice just to discuss the Word with others. We each have out our different translations and read (tonight we were reading Hosea) and discuss what our commentaries say, things that are different in each translation and things that are the same, and how we see God moving in the text and how we see the carry-over into the New Testament. I finally feel like I'm back on my feet a little bit. I can see parallels within the OT and the NT. Prophesies of Christ. God calling for compassion and love rather than sacrifice. Without love, there is NOTHING. I can't believe how obvious that is in all the scripture I've read so far, old and new testament. I feel like slowly, I'm learning how to read the Bible.
Tomorrow night I'm going to a Ladies Bible Study at the church I sometimes attend in Madison. I'm excited about that. The pastor is leaving for Africa this week to help dig some wells for 37 villages. That speaks to my heart in so many ways. I can't wait to go to Uganda. I can't wait to see what THEY can teach me and how I can serve them.
Lent update: My fingertips have callused since I'm playing guitar again. I've almost mastered Ode to Joy. Ha! It's pretty simple, though. My goal is to be able to play a worship song by the end of Lent. If I keep to my goal of practicing for 30 minutes every day, I should be able to. My current Lent anthem is "At the Cross" by Hillsong. It prepares my heart for meditation on the journey to the crucifixion. Maybe I'll try to play that song on guitar.
An update on my Radical experiment:
1) On day 8 of Prayer for the World. This has been SO enlightening. OperationWorld.org is an amazing resource. I thought with all the advances in civilization and technology that all people would have been reached by missionaries by now, but no, far from it. I definitely want to spend time in some of these countries to help the impoverished, desolate, and unreached. Brazil and Botswana have both really stuck out in my mind.
2) I'm almost through 1 Corinthians. In Chapter 11, when Paul talks about women covering their heads...I almost died. But all my commentaries claim it was culturally and contextually specific. I don't know. I don't especially want to cover my head. I finished Chapter 13 tonight about the Gift of Love. WHAT AN AMAZING GIFT! How we could shake the world if everyone participated in that sort of pure, God-given love. I love love.
3) Friday was pay-day. I've designated part of my paychecks (which are bi-weekly) to whatever Christian-based activity/charity/etc I feel convicted to at the time. Last paycheck I gave part to SIFAT which is the organization that funds the orphanage I will be working at in the summer of 2014. This paycheck, after watching the pastor's video of those villages getting wells with clean drinking water, I gave some funds to him to use for those villages they will be working with in Africa. Money is still my most difficult asset to part with, not because I'm materialistic but because I worry that I won't have any if something happens. (which is exactly why it's important to do so, because it shows that I trust in God, yeah yeah I get it). I give with LOVE.
4) I'm joining a bible study in Madison. That's a first step.
5) Got news that the director of the orphanage has been contacted about my coming to work there in the summer of 2014. Meeting with my pastor and others who have been to the orphanage to set up a time-table for when I need to get shots, what I need to purchase, what I need to leave at home, etc. I'm hoping I'll still be capable with my guitar, and I can take it with me to play for the kids! Music touches my heart, so I want it to touch others' as well.
"Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your holy spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit." Psalms 51: 11-12
Tomorrow night I'm going to a Ladies Bible Study at the church I sometimes attend in Madison. I'm excited about that. The pastor is leaving for Africa this week to help dig some wells for 37 villages. That speaks to my heart in so many ways. I can't wait to go to Uganda. I can't wait to see what THEY can teach me and how I can serve them.
Lent update: My fingertips have callused since I'm playing guitar again. I've almost mastered Ode to Joy. Ha! It's pretty simple, though. My goal is to be able to play a worship song by the end of Lent. If I keep to my goal of practicing for 30 minutes every day, I should be able to. My current Lent anthem is "At the Cross" by Hillsong. It prepares my heart for meditation on the journey to the crucifixion. Maybe I'll try to play that song on guitar.
An update on my Radical experiment:
1) On day 8 of Prayer for the World. This has been SO enlightening. OperationWorld.org is an amazing resource. I thought with all the advances in civilization and technology that all people would have been reached by missionaries by now, but no, far from it. I definitely want to spend time in some of these countries to help the impoverished, desolate, and unreached. Brazil and Botswana have both really stuck out in my mind.
2) I'm almost through 1 Corinthians. In Chapter 11, when Paul talks about women covering their heads...I almost died. But all my commentaries claim it was culturally and contextually specific. I don't know. I don't especially want to cover my head. I finished Chapter 13 tonight about the Gift of Love. WHAT AN AMAZING GIFT! How we could shake the world if everyone participated in that sort of pure, God-given love. I love love.
3) Friday was pay-day. I've designated part of my paychecks (which are bi-weekly) to whatever Christian-based activity/charity/etc I feel convicted to at the time. Last paycheck I gave part to SIFAT which is the organization that funds the orphanage I will be working at in the summer of 2014. This paycheck, after watching the pastor's video of those villages getting wells with clean drinking water, I gave some funds to him to use for those villages they will be working with in Africa. Money is still my most difficult asset to part with, not because I'm materialistic but because I worry that I won't have any if something happens. (which is exactly why it's important to do so, because it shows that I trust in God, yeah yeah I get it). I give with LOVE.
4) I'm joining a bible study in Madison. That's a first step.
5) Got news that the director of the orphanage has been contacted about my coming to work there in the summer of 2014. Meeting with my pastor and others who have been to the orphanage to set up a time-table for when I need to get shots, what I need to purchase, what I need to leave at home, etc. I'm hoping I'll still be capable with my guitar, and I can take it with me to play for the kids! Music touches my heart, so I want it to touch others' as well.
"Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your holy spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit." Psalms 51: 11-12
Saturday, February 16, 2013
What is the Gospel?
I started a new book tonight. I've been waiting on it all week to arrive from Amazon!
What is the Gospel by Greg Gilbert.
The first time I ever read the entire gospels was when I was reading Francis Chan's Crazy Love back in December. I had never read them before, folks. It put a brand new perspective on what I wanted my Christianity to look like. It's so amazing to get to see the personality of Jesus in the way that he responds to the sinners, the children, and the way he prays for his disciples in John 17. He was the purest good, and I want to live my life following him.
So in this new book, the question "What is the Gospel?" is put forth. In the introduction, Gilbert gives a selection of examples and asks if someone came up to you and asked what the message of the gospel is, how would you respond? I had never thought about that. I'm not very good with words, so if someone actually came up to me and asked me that question, I would be stuck in slow motion and stutters until they got creeped out and just walked away. So now I'm thinking about it, and this is my current answer. I have a feeling by the end of this book, I'll have to edit it.
What is the gospel?
God loved the world so much that he sent Jesus, who was God but was born in completely human form, to bring salvation and a new way of life to his followers. Jesus lived on earth, suffered through many of the same obstacles that all humans face, but still remained free from sin. He taught the multitudes to love God and love each other -- that those two commandments would satisfy all the needs of the Law. He was crucified on a cross, and when he died, he endured the wrath of God for ALL of the sin of his followers, so that when we die, we will be saved by HIS blood. He rose from the dead after three days to show that he had broken us out of the bondage of death and given us the keys to eternal life with God in Heaven. He did all of this because He loves us.
That's what I gleaned from it, in my limited knowledge of the rest of the Bible. I'm going to revisit this blog after I finish the book so I can see how it changes and see how much more I can learn about the gospel.
The first time I ever read the entire gospels was when I was reading Francis Chan's Crazy Love back in December. I had never read them before, folks. It put a brand new perspective on what I wanted my Christianity to look like. It's so amazing to get to see the personality of Jesus in the way that he responds to the sinners, the children, and the way he prays for his disciples in John 17. He was the purest good, and I want to live my life following him.
So in this new book, the question "What is the Gospel?" is put forth. In the introduction, Gilbert gives a selection of examples and asks if someone came up to you and asked what the message of the gospel is, how would you respond? I had never thought about that. I'm not very good with words, so if someone actually came up to me and asked me that question, I would be stuck in slow motion and stutters until they got creeped out and just walked away. So now I'm thinking about it, and this is my current answer. I have a feeling by the end of this book, I'll have to edit it.
What is the gospel?
God loved the world so much that he sent Jesus, who was God but was born in completely human form, to bring salvation and a new way of life to his followers. Jesus lived on earth, suffered through many of the same obstacles that all humans face, but still remained free from sin. He taught the multitudes to love God and love each other -- that those two commandments would satisfy all the needs of the Law. He was crucified on a cross, and when he died, he endured the wrath of God for ALL of the sin of his followers, so that when we die, we will be saved by HIS blood. He rose from the dead after three days to show that he had broken us out of the bondage of death and given us the keys to eternal life with God in Heaven. He did all of this because He loves us.
That's what I gleaned from it, in my limited knowledge of the rest of the Bible. I'm going to revisit this blog after I finish the book so I can see how it changes and see how much more I can learn about the gospel.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Setbacks
Bad day, sorry.
It's probably only about to get even worse, or just consistently bad I suppose.
Please pray for me to find my strength again. Pray that I can resist the world because it is a strong adversary and it knows all my flaws and weaknesses and how to expose them and manipulate them to distract me from the path.
I'm not good at this, sorry.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Ashes and Sackcloth
Okay, I wish I had this Bible when I started reading. It's so very helpful with introductions to each book that set a cultural and historical context. The commentary clears up many questions I've had as I've been reading. I'm tempted to go back and re read the books I've already read in order to read the commentaries, but I'm determined to finish reading the Bible in its entirety in a year, so I'm going to just keep trucking along and I'll reread the gospels again once I'm finished with the rest of it. Seriously, if you don't have a study Bible, get this one. English Standard Version study Bible. Comes with an online reference guide as well. Amazon $30 for a hardback copy.
I attended my very first Ash Wednesday service tonight at the church that I sometimes attend in Madison. It was a sparse crowd, but I'm nervous around big groups of people, so it was comforting. I didn't have to stress out about what others were thinking about me. As I've stated, I have an emotional reaction to everything, especially when the Spirit overwhelms me, so of course, after the confessional prayer when the preacher looked out and said, "In the name of Jesus Christ you are forgiven!" I start weeping (silently). It's overwhelming. I'm forgiven. Y'all don't even know how big of a relief that is. I know, I know, I was forgiven when I asked for forgiveness for all the mistakes I made in the past back when I had my ultra-conversion in November, but every time I'm reminded that I'm free of those sins, I'm taken aback. I was heavily burdened. I don't "let go" easily. I cling on to mistakes I've made and past regrets so tightly that they start to define who I am and how I interact with others. I am starting to let that go now. I feel an immense easiness about my life and future knowing that Christ walks with me. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the concept of grace but I'm getting there. I wish I could keep this little cross on my forehead all the time to remind me of that amazing act of unconditional love. To remind me on those toughest days and nights that yes, I am forgiven.
"Then turning toward the woman, he said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has bathed my feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which were many, have been forgiven; hence she has shown great love." Luke 7: 44-
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Omnipresence
Every morning I leave my house to drive 20 minutes to work in Carrollton. The highway I take is parallel to the Ohio River. At about 7:30, the sun is coming up over the mountains that loom over the river. It's glorious. I am privy to a beautiful sunrise every single morning. It's the best way I could start my long work day. Every morning a certain psalm comes to mind "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." Psalm 19:1. Every morning it is evident that the skies are proclaiming His amazing glory. A divine creator is so apparent in the beauty and design of the universe. How could I have missed it all those years?
There's an interesting story that goes along with that psalm. It's forever stuck in my head; I couldn't forget it if I wanted to. One of the first weekends that I lived in Johnson City, TN I went to Starbucks on a "mission" to find a new friend. I remember EXACTLY what I was wearing - skinny jeans, a purple plaid shirt and a bright yellow hoodie. I met this guy who had brought his dog with him to the patio of Starbucks so I initiated a conversation about the pup. Anyway, he was reading the Bible. I remember that part, too. I was an atheist at the time, so when I discovered this fact, I was like, oh great, maybe I should walk away now, but I didn't. He invited me to go hiking with a group of friends and his dog. I agreed, mainly because I love hiking in a big big way, and he was kind of cute and I honestly thought maybe I could "save" him from religion if we did become friends. We hiked up Roane mountain at the state line of Tennessee and North Carolina. It was gloriously beautiful. When we reached the top of the mountain, one of the girls that was with us pulled out her Bible. I groaned inwardly. She asked the group if it was okay for her to read a scripture that she felt was relevant to the moment. Apparently there were other atheists in the group (some professors and grad students from East Tennessee State University I believe) because a vocal groan went out from the group. Bless her heart. I remember how disheartened her face was, but she read it anyway. She read Psalm 19 even while everyone else in the group was scoffing and mocking her. Even though I "wasn't listening", it stuck with me. I remember the way she read the Psalm about the sun coming out like a bridegroom and how in love with God she seemed. I called a friend IMMEDIATELY after I got back down off the mountain, complaining about "being kidnapped by Christians" but I have NEVER forgotten that moment -- on top of this beautiful mountain, with this young woman reading scripture like she was reading a love story. And now anytime I see a beautiful sunset or sunrise or just a gloriously blue sky, I remember to praise Him and be glad that the skies are there to show His amazing glory to me every moment of every day.
I started 1 Corinthians today. It disheartens me to think how relevant these letters are to today's church. We are fighting the same battles within the church that Paul was trying to stamp out 2,000 years ago. Division. Judgment. I pray that the church will unify. I imagine what we could all join together and accomplish if we wouldn't get so distracted by small issues. If we could see that at the heart of the matter, it's all about Jesus and it's all about love, wow, we would shake the nations with our love and charity and compassion. A girl can hope, right?
My country of prayer today is Bhutan. It's one of those countries where the followers of Christ are having to have "secret church" to avoid persecution. The United States is blessed to have religious freedom. We have so many resources we need to be putting to good use!
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8
Monday, February 11, 2013
Reasons for Leaving the Church -- Link
http://marc5solas.wordpress.com/2013/02/08/top-10-reasons-our-kids-leave-church/ -- top 10 reasons kids leave church
Compelling blog article. Convicting. If that person had asked me why I left the church I probably would have told them the exact same things.
I'm going to save this for a rainy day. I have a feeling I'll need to check myself on it one day.
Compelling blog article. Convicting. If that person had asked me why I left the church I probably would have told them the exact same things.
I'm going to save this for a rainy day. I have a feeling I'll need to check myself on it one day.
Romans? Check.
Whew I finally finished Romans. For those of you who haven't read it, if you can get through chapter 11, the rest is amazing and uplifting and exactly what your spirit needs. I especially enjoyed the latter part of Chapter 12. I want to scribe that on my bedroom wall so I am always being reminded of it. Like, listen to this: "Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers." Um, awesome, right?
So there's my standing on reading the Bible. One more book down. 1 Corinthians is next I suppose. I'm having to keep myself from going into the Old Testament because that's where I really want to be. The New Testament is intimidating.
So, tis the season to prepare for Easter, which means that in the church the Lenten season is starting. Ash Wednesday service is Wednesday evening. I can't wait! I want to really prepare myself spiritually for the time leading up to the crucifixion and resurrection. I wish that my church was offering a Lenten study. Adam Hamilton's The Way video series is calling my name. Regardless, I've decided I'm going to go the opposite sort of direction in Lenten requirements. Instead of giving something up, I'm going to add something new. I've signed up for guitar lessons to start that up again. On the first night of Bible study at my new church the pastor asked me if I played any instruments because he wants to have a praise band that plays during the worship service. I told him I knew a couple of guitar chords but nothing fancy enough to play in front of others. So, my goal with these guitar lessons is to get good enough to play worship music. I want to serve the Lord in everything that I can, so this is another way. I'm terribly excited. There are so many Christian songs that I love. Music has a way of settling my heart when nothing else can. I hope to bring that light to others through God's gift of music.
I really wish I could figure out what my "big" plan is. I feel like I want to do mission work, but I don't know if that's what I'm supposed to dedicate my life to. I feel like I'm called to work with at-risk kids. I can do that in the States or I can do that abroad. I have my own big plan to own some farmland in Tennessee and live simply off the land. But is that His plan as well? Gee. I wish He'd let me know. Also, kind of hoping He finds me a hubby sooner or later. That's neither here nor there I suppose.
Good night <3
So there's my standing on reading the Bible. One more book down. 1 Corinthians is next I suppose. I'm having to keep myself from going into the Old Testament because that's where I really want to be. The New Testament is intimidating.
So, tis the season to prepare for Easter, which means that in the church the Lenten season is starting. Ash Wednesday service is Wednesday evening. I can't wait! I want to really prepare myself spiritually for the time leading up to the crucifixion and resurrection. I wish that my church was offering a Lenten study. Adam Hamilton's The Way video series is calling my name. Regardless, I've decided I'm going to go the opposite sort of direction in Lenten requirements. Instead of giving something up, I'm going to add something new. I've signed up for guitar lessons to start that up again. On the first night of Bible study at my new church the pastor asked me if I played any instruments because he wants to have a praise band that plays during the worship service. I told him I knew a couple of guitar chords but nothing fancy enough to play in front of others. So, my goal with these guitar lessons is to get good enough to play worship music. I want to serve the Lord in everything that I can, so this is another way. I'm terribly excited. There are so many Christian songs that I love. Music has a way of settling my heart when nothing else can. I hope to bring that light to others through God's gift of music.
I really wish I could figure out what my "big" plan is. I feel like I want to do mission work, but I don't know if that's what I'm supposed to dedicate my life to. I feel like I'm called to work with at-risk kids. I can do that in the States or I can do that abroad. I have my own big plan to own some farmland in Tennessee and live simply off the land. But is that His plan as well? Gee. I wish He'd let me know. Also, kind of hoping He finds me a hubby sooner or later. That's neither here nor there I suppose.
Good night <3
Sunday, February 10, 2013
A Lover of the Light
I'm an emotional person. I'm sensitive; I'm sentimental; I'm empathetic. My first reaction to anything is an emotional one. It's the same with the Word.
So, when Paul writes "There is no one who is righteous, not even one; there is no one who has understanding, there is no one who seeks God. All have turned aside, together they have become worthless; there is no one who shows kindness, there is not even one." in Romans 3: 10-12 (which he has taken from Psalms for his rhetorical purposes) I nearly have a breakdown. It breaks my heart into pieces. I want to love God. I want to cherish Him. I want to show kindness. I want to be worth something. I have a really really really difficult time with the concept of my being saved by grace because these verses make me feel like I shouldn't be saved.
But, don't fret; there's hope!
Chapter 8: 38 may be one of the most encouraging verses in the Bible I've read so far, and Paul wrote it, which is kind of contrary to my opinion of Paul. "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
And so my heart rejoices! All of a sudden I am warmed again. I feel hope and peace once again. Thank God for grace! I am so grateful!
Additionally I've decided that since I have to read the whole Bible in one year, I'm going to read a psalm every day. I don't think I could sit and read all of them one after the other, so this is premeditated problem solving.
Here's the day's prayer challenge:
60 Day Prayer Challenge Day - Today's prayer country is Austria:
Population: 8,387,491
Largest religion: Christian
Percent Evangelical: 0.5%
I originally thought they were going to send me countries in order of most need. The first country was Afghanistan. A country that's dominantly Muslim. A country torn by war and poverty and civil abuse. And therefore, when I saw that the next country was Austria, I was a little disappointed since the majority there is Christian anyway. I guess the countries are being sent in alphabetical order. I know all countries need prayer, and I will pray as fervently for Austria as I did for Afghanistan. The prayer videos on operationworld.org are incredibly helpful in trying to figure out for what exactly I should be praying.
Disclaimer: All of the views expressed on this blog are my own. I am by no means a scholar or theologist or philosopher, which is probably VERY apparent. I'm dictating my journey from atheism to radical Christiandom and including all the ups and downs in between. I fully anticipate to have my world views jarred as I continue to read and pray and journey into foreign territory here. I ask that if you are reading this that you will keep that perspective in mind.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Romans
I'm supposed to get through the Bible in a year, but it's going to take me a year just to get through Romans. I'm having to read each chapter three or four times to understand it, and then I think I've gotten it comprehended, and I go on to the next chapter and I've forgotten it all again.
I've ordered an English Standard study bible through Amazon. It should be here Thursday. I'm hoping it's easier to read. Right now I'm using The Cambridge Annotated Study Bible which is a New Revised Standard Version. I've always thought I was pretty intelligent, but I can't break through the rhetorical language that Paul is using in Romans especially without background knowledge of the Law and of the historical context at the time.
I understand that he's speaking to the Jews in the church who have raised questions regarding the Law. Where does the Law fit within this new Christian context? Is it to be done away with? To be forgotten completely? How can the Gentiles hope to be righteous without obeying the Law?
I get it. It kind of reminds me of when I go into a new school district to restructure their intervention system, and I'm having to convince them that they need to get rid of the teaching methods/programs that aren't working. Change is scary. Change is scarier when it directly affects your salvation.
I never ever ever ever ever thought I'd be lying in my bed night after night reading chapters in the Bible. Now I can't make it to sleep at a reasonable hour.
"Unless the Lord builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord guards the city,
the guard keeps watch in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives sleep to his beloved." Psalms 127:1-2
I've ordered an English Standard study bible through Amazon. It should be here Thursday. I'm hoping it's easier to read. Right now I'm using The Cambridge Annotated Study Bible which is a New Revised Standard Version. I've always thought I was pretty intelligent, but I can't break through the rhetorical language that Paul is using in Romans especially without background knowledge of the Law and of the historical context at the time.
I understand that he's speaking to the Jews in the church who have raised questions regarding the Law. Where does the Law fit within this new Christian context? Is it to be done away with? To be forgotten completely? How can the Gentiles hope to be righteous without obeying the Law?
I get it. It kind of reminds me of when I go into a new school district to restructure their intervention system, and I'm having to convince them that they need to get rid of the teaching methods/programs that aren't working. Change is scary. Change is scarier when it directly affects your salvation.
I never ever ever ever ever thought I'd be lying in my bed night after night reading chapters in the Bible. Now I can't make it to sleep at a reasonable hour.
"Unless the Lord builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord guards the city,
the guard keeps watch in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives sleep to his beloved." Psalms 127:1-2
Friday, February 8, 2013
Already Exhausted...
My brain feels like it's been in some sort of taffy pull or something.
A quick update on my 5 challenges:
1. Prayer for the world - I signed up for the 60 day challenge on operationworld.org. They will be sending me a prayer link each day with a specific country and the details on what some specific prayer needs are. The cool thing is you can watch video feed of others praying. That kind of intersects with the fifth challenge of becoming part of a multiplying community. Two birds, one stone.
Here's the basic email I received from OW:
60 Day Prayer Challenge Day 1 - Today's prayer country is Afghanistan:
*Don't worry I won't pray on here every day. At least, that was never my intention with this blog. I'm going to confess that I've always thought that if God did exist, that there were different paths one could take to get to him - that maybe Muslims would go to heaven too just by being humble and loving each other. I mean, they worship the same One God. It's confusing. I'm conflicted. I know what I'm supposed to believe as a Christian, but it's difficult for me to think that reverent Muslims are not saved because they do not know Jesus Christ as their savior. Again, my brain. Ouch. I'm trying.
2. Read the whole Bible - I restarted on Romans. Gee, it's so very dense and confusing. It's difficult for me to put myself in the perspective of the Jews at that time in history. I need some background context. I need a children's Bible to break down all of Paul's rhetorical language. So far, I've gleaned that the Jews are not so happy about the Gentiles entering into a covenant with God. It seems as if there's a lot of debate about what should be required of the Gentiles as far as the Law goes (EX: circumcision). I can empathize with the Gentiles, however. It's how I feel every time I go into a new church. Will I be good enough for them? I don't know whose pew I may be sitting in. Am I supposed to take money up to the altar during communion? It's intimidating not to know the underlying processes of the church service. Sometimes, I get nervous enough to make me just want to stay home and have "church" with just me and my Bible. However, that's not meeting requirements of challenge number 5, and I know it's not helping me become fruitful.
3. Money - still working on this. I think this particular month I want to donate money to the school that Agape Total Childcare Center in Uganda is having to open. I want them to meet whatever requirements they have to in order to keep the school open. I just have to figure out how to give enough to make it a "sacrifice".
4. Different Context - also still working on this. I need to get a checklist drawn up on going to Uganda. So far, still haven't heard from the orphanage director getting confirmation on my time there. I feel like this is where God is leading me, but wherever He wills me to go, I'll go. I'm listening.
5. Multiplying Community - there aren't a lot of bible study options here, so I'm thinking I may have to start one up myself. Still brainstorming.
I'm exhausted. I wish I could take and focus on one challenge at a time. Like for a year just dedicate myself to becoming familiar with the Word. Then, the next year I'll focus on praying for the nations of the world. I want to do this correctly. I want to make an impact on others. And selfishly, I love how reading the word and praying fervently and getting ready to go to Uganda make me feel inside, so I'm just going to suck it up and thank God that I get to undertake this challenge in a country where I am free from religious persecution.
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7
A quick update on my 5 challenges:
1. Prayer for the world - I signed up for the 60 day challenge on operationworld.org. They will be sending me a prayer link each day with a specific country and the details on what some specific prayer needs are. The cool thing is you can watch video feed of others praying. That kind of intersects with the fifth challenge of becoming part of a multiplying community. Two birds, one stone.
Here's the basic email I received from OW:
60 Day Prayer Challenge Day 1 - Today's prayer country is Afghanistan:
Population: 29,117,489
Largest religion: Muslim
Percent Evangelical: 0.0%
*Don't worry I won't pray on here every day. At least, that was never my intention with this blog. I'm going to confess that I've always thought that if God did exist, that there were different paths one could take to get to him - that maybe Muslims would go to heaven too just by being humble and loving each other. I mean, they worship the same One God. It's confusing. I'm conflicted. I know what I'm supposed to believe as a Christian, but it's difficult for me to think that reverent Muslims are not saved because they do not know Jesus Christ as their savior. Again, my brain. Ouch. I'm trying.
2. Read the whole Bible - I restarted on Romans. Gee, it's so very dense and confusing. It's difficult for me to put myself in the perspective of the Jews at that time in history. I need some background context. I need a children's Bible to break down all of Paul's rhetorical language. So far, I've gleaned that the Jews are not so happy about the Gentiles entering into a covenant with God. It seems as if there's a lot of debate about what should be required of the Gentiles as far as the Law goes (EX: circumcision). I can empathize with the Gentiles, however. It's how I feel every time I go into a new church. Will I be good enough for them? I don't know whose pew I may be sitting in. Am I supposed to take money up to the altar during communion? It's intimidating not to know the underlying processes of the church service. Sometimes, I get nervous enough to make me just want to stay home and have "church" with just me and my Bible. However, that's not meeting requirements of challenge number 5, and I know it's not helping me become fruitful.
3. Money - still working on this. I think this particular month I want to donate money to the school that Agape Total Childcare Center in Uganda is having to open. I want them to meet whatever requirements they have to in order to keep the school open. I just have to figure out how to give enough to make it a "sacrifice".
4. Different Context - also still working on this. I need to get a checklist drawn up on going to Uganda. So far, still haven't heard from the orphanage director getting confirmation on my time there. I feel like this is where God is leading me, but wherever He wills me to go, I'll go. I'm listening.
5. Multiplying Community - there aren't a lot of bible study options here, so I'm thinking I may have to start one up myself. Still brainstorming.
I'm exhausted. I wish I could take and focus on one challenge at a time. Like for a year just dedicate myself to becoming familiar with the Word. Then, the next year I'll focus on praying for the nations of the world. I want to do this correctly. I want to make an impact on others. And selfishly, I love how reading the word and praying fervently and getting ready to go to Uganda make me feel inside, so I'm just going to suck it up and thank God that I get to undertake this challenge in a country where I am free from religious persecution.
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7
Thursday, February 7, 2013
The Unconvertable Converted.
To understand the weight of this call to Radicalousness, you'll need to know the whole story. I'll be as brief as seems appropriate.
I was born into a Christian family. I was born into a Christian town, actually. Living in the 'Bible belt' of North Alabama, most people are God-fearing, church-attending, gospel music-listening folks. It's the norm. I went through the motions like everyone else. I was "involved" in church. I attended. I sang. I bowed my head in prayer. I never really believed a word of it and I knew it in my heart all along.
My first year of college (6 hours away from home), I remember calling a dear old friend of mine while I was strolling through Wal-Mart one night and telling him "I don't believe in God anymore." It was the first time I really admitted it to myself. As soon as I said it, I felt pretty good about myself. I felt like, hey, I'm smarter than those ignorant people who believe in something they can't see or hear. Anyway, you get the picture.
I was an atheist for eight years. Looking back now, those eight years were dismal at best. I dated atheist or Muslim men who treated me poorly. I won't go into the details of all the dumb things I did in rebellion. I won't go into details about how worn down I became in my heart and mind. I never understood why I felt so desolate.
I felt the call. It was absolutely unlike anything I had ever experienced, and I cannot begin to articulate it here. It was terrifying and comforting. It was destructive and freeing. It was, without a single doubt in my mind, the Holy Spirit coming down and overtaking me. "Go back to church" and I did (with heavy doubts and walls up). "Read Psalm 91" and I did ( I didn't even have a Bible with me at the time, so I had to google it). For a week straight, every night, this overpowering feeling would come upon me and break me down until I had to cry. I had to confess. I had to plead with God to take me back, forgive me, and rebuild me again with His strength, love, and compassion.
So after eight years of ridiculing others for their faith, I have been found by the Great Shepherd. Praise God He didn't leave me to the wolves and the wilderness. I hunger for the Word. I yearn for Christian fellowship. I am saying things and doing things that are SO alien to me...I can't begin to explain it, but I'm happy. I'm joyful.
I'm setting out on this journey with great hope, but I want to do it RIGHT. I don't want to be 'lukewarm', which is why I'm taking on the Radical Experiment. I pray that it radically changes me and that I can sustain this momentum for the rest of my days on earth.
"I called to the Lord out of my distress and he answered me; out of the belly of Sheol I cried and you heard my voice." Jonah 2:1
I was born into a Christian family. I was born into a Christian town, actually. Living in the 'Bible belt' of North Alabama, most people are God-fearing, church-attending, gospel music-listening folks. It's the norm. I went through the motions like everyone else. I was "involved" in church. I attended. I sang. I bowed my head in prayer. I never really believed a word of it and I knew it in my heart all along.
My first year of college (6 hours away from home), I remember calling a dear old friend of mine while I was strolling through Wal-Mart one night and telling him "I don't believe in God anymore." It was the first time I really admitted it to myself. As soon as I said it, I felt pretty good about myself. I felt like, hey, I'm smarter than those ignorant people who believe in something they can't see or hear. Anyway, you get the picture.
I was an atheist for eight years. Looking back now, those eight years were dismal at best. I dated atheist or Muslim men who treated me poorly. I won't go into the details of all the dumb things I did in rebellion. I won't go into details about how worn down I became in my heart and mind. I never understood why I felt so desolate.
Until....
I felt the call. It was absolutely unlike anything I had ever experienced, and I cannot begin to articulate it here. It was terrifying and comforting. It was destructive and freeing. It was, without a single doubt in my mind, the Holy Spirit coming down and overtaking me. "Go back to church" and I did (with heavy doubts and walls up). "Read Psalm 91" and I did ( I didn't even have a Bible with me at the time, so I had to google it). For a week straight, every night, this overpowering feeling would come upon me and break me down until I had to cry. I had to confess. I had to plead with God to take me back, forgive me, and rebuild me again with His strength, love, and compassion.
So after eight years of ridiculing others for their faith, I have been found by the Great Shepherd. Praise God He didn't leave me to the wolves and the wilderness. I hunger for the Word. I yearn for Christian fellowship. I am saying things and doing things that are SO alien to me...I can't begin to explain it, but I'm happy. I'm joyful.
I'm setting out on this journey with great hope, but I want to do it RIGHT. I don't want to be 'lukewarm', which is why I'm taking on the Radical Experiment. I pray that it radically changes me and that I can sustain this momentum for the rest of my days on earth.
"I called to the Lord out of my distress and he answered me; out of the belly of Sheol I cried and you heard my voice." Jonah 2:1
Popping the blog cherry..
Yeah, that title is probably not appropriate imagery for what the contents of this blog are meant to inspire.
Moving on:
I've just finished the book Radical by David Platt about living a life of Christiandom that centers around the true gospel and commands that Jesus gave to those seeking to follow him. I'm inspired. I'm called. I'm committing. Challenge accepted. This blog is meant to hold me accountable.
Here are the rules:
1. Pray for the entire world.
- Here's my plan: using the website www.operationworld.org I'm going to be doing the necessary research on a region of the world and pray for that nation fervently for a week. Then on to the next nation, etc. I'll be posting on here what nation I'm praying for, what my prayers center around, and just some basic info on demographics, images, etc. By doing this, and committing to prayer for that nation every day of that week I hope to inspire within myself and others a desire to "Go into all the world and proclaim the good news to the whole creation." Mark 16.15
2. Read the whole Bible.
- Can I just say "yikes" here? What a challenge. Especially when all I really want to read is Hemingway and finish the new J.K. Rowling book. So far I've read: Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, and Hebrews in the New Testament. I've read Jonah in the Old Testament. 'Why only Jonah?' you may ask. Well, last night I felt like running away and hiding from what God has been calling me to do, so I wanted to see what the story of Jonah actually says. It's a great book - go read it. It's short. I'm about to tackle Romans. It's..well...dense.
3. Sacrifice your money for a specific purpose.
- Oh gee. Again, yikes. Money stresses me out. I feel like I always only just have enough to get by, which is totally untrue and I know that. That word 'sacrifice' also stresses me out. I haven't decided how I'm going to sacrifice my money yet. I want it to be for a cause that I can trust, obviously. I'm going to dive into some research on that this weekend, so I'll update soon. (Avoidance behavior)
4. Spend your time in another context.
- This is the fun one! I've already decided what I'm doing here, so I'm just trying to finalize arrangements. I am committing to two months in Mukono, Uganda for June and July of 2014 working/teaching/mentoring/spreading the light of Christ at an orphanage/child care center there. http://sifat.org/international-missions/uganda/ I'm making up a checklist of all the things I need to do in order to go there (shots, plane tickets, supplies for the children and staff there) and be as efficient as possible in my mission. I've never done mission work before, so this will be new new new (and scary scary scary).
5. Commit your life to a multiplying community.
- "And Jesus came and said to them, 'Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you." Matthew 28:18
So the goal here is to immerse myself in a true Christian culture. Surround myself with others who share a similar "radical" nature. I find it incredibly difficult to share the Word with others, partly because I'm super introverted and partly because I'm self-conscious about my knowledge of the Word itself. I'm new at this, but I really want more than anything to be a child of light. I have found such joy and peace in Christ and I want others to enjoy the same, so... challenge accepted Pastor Platt.
Moving on:
I've just finished the book Radical by David Platt about living a life of Christiandom that centers around the true gospel and commands that Jesus gave to those seeking to follow him. I'm inspired. I'm called. I'm committing. Challenge accepted. This blog is meant to hold me accountable.
Here are the rules:
1. Pray for the entire world.
- Here's my plan: using the website www.operationworld.org I'm going to be doing the necessary research on a region of the world and pray for that nation fervently for a week. Then on to the next nation, etc. I'll be posting on here what nation I'm praying for, what my prayers center around, and just some basic info on demographics, images, etc. By doing this, and committing to prayer for that nation every day of that week I hope to inspire within myself and others a desire to "Go into all the world and proclaim the good news to the whole creation." Mark 16.15
2. Read the whole Bible.
- Can I just say "yikes" here? What a challenge. Especially when all I really want to read is Hemingway and finish the new J.K. Rowling book. So far I've read: Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, and Hebrews in the New Testament. I've read Jonah in the Old Testament. 'Why only Jonah?' you may ask. Well, last night I felt like running away and hiding from what God has been calling me to do, so I wanted to see what the story of Jonah actually says. It's a great book - go read it. It's short. I'm about to tackle Romans. It's..well...dense.
3. Sacrifice your money for a specific purpose.
- Oh gee. Again, yikes. Money stresses me out. I feel like I always only just have enough to get by, which is totally untrue and I know that. That word 'sacrifice' also stresses me out. I haven't decided how I'm going to sacrifice my money yet. I want it to be for a cause that I can trust, obviously. I'm going to dive into some research on that this weekend, so I'll update soon. (Avoidance behavior)
4. Spend your time in another context.
- This is the fun one! I've already decided what I'm doing here, so I'm just trying to finalize arrangements. I am committing to two months in Mukono, Uganda for June and July of 2014 working/teaching/mentoring/spreading the light of Christ at an orphanage/child care center there. http://sifat.org/international-missions/uganda/ I'm making up a checklist of all the things I need to do in order to go there (shots, plane tickets, supplies for the children and staff there) and be as efficient as possible in my mission. I've never done mission work before, so this will be new new new (and scary scary scary).
5. Commit your life to a multiplying community.
- "And Jesus came and said to them, 'Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you." Matthew 28:18
So the goal here is to immerse myself in a true Christian culture. Surround myself with others who share a similar "radical" nature. I find it incredibly difficult to share the Word with others, partly because I'm super introverted and partly because I'm self-conscious about my knowledge of the Word itself. I'm new at this, but I really want more than anything to be a child of light. I have found such joy and peace in Christ and I want others to enjoy the same, so... challenge accepted Pastor Platt.
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