This is sort of turning into a travel blog lately, ha.
While flying from LAX to Houston, the plane had some engine trouble and we had to make an emergency landing in Midland, TX - where there are no actual planes, just some private prop planes and such. I'm stuck here for a bit, so I'm going to use my time wisely and catch up on this writing and some reading.
Anyway..
On the plane, I was thinking about the concept of love and it's contextual meaning in the biblical/Christian sense contrasted with the secular context and why it does or does not work. Why is it so difficult to love someone? (Not just romantic love, although I do think romantic love in the world has become somewhat farcical and not at all what it was intended to be) What is it that makes love so scary - scary to the point where most of us avoid the word/the commitment/ the belief in it altogether? The Bible makes love sound so easy, so desirable, so simple. Within the Bible, we also find that love is necessary. How, as a people, have we lost our faith in love? And if we lose our faith in love, what is the impact on our Christianity?
There are so many great models of love in the Bible - the most ideal being Christ's love for his Church (church meaning all who follow him and claim him as their Lord and Savior). When we examine the language in the gospels that Christ uses for his disciples, such as that amazing prayer in John 17, it just seems like that type of self-sacrificing, pure, unconditional love is impossible to recreate. Even when you lower the standards to take into context our weak, distractible human minds, I feel like as the Church we are missing the mark.
I'm the worst. Let me just go ahead and make that statement. I'm not preaching to a congregation here, this is more of a self-exploration blog and I am calling myself out. I suck at loving others. I thought I was better at it. I've had an easy road lately, though. I accepted Christ into my life in November/December. I was at my family's home for half of January - easy to love those people because they are awesome. Then I moved to rural Kentuckiana - easy to love those people because they are kind and accepting and most of the time I'm just surrounded by bright-eyed, sunshiney kiddos. This work trip was hard. I failed. Badly. At several points I was tempted just to hole up in my hotel room so I didn't even have to try anymore. Why is it so difficult? Seriously. I'll be happy to hear your comments. I just could not remove these blips of jealousy, hatred, judgment, anger -- it was a hot mess. And it makes a mess of me. Once those thoughts hit me, I just could not get out of this funk. It wasn't anything or anyone specifically (for those of you who may be reading this who were with me for this trip), it was just an overwhelming acknowledgement that I do not know how to be a Christian in the real world.
Even sitting in this airport right now, which is crazy small and crowded - all that I hear is angst, cattiness, vulgarity. I'm watching several married couples to see how they interact with each other, and I'm just beat down. I'm not judging anyone, honestly, I'm just observing behavior here. No eye contact, argumentativeness, men blatantly staring at other women. That's not what I want. God gave us a gift in giving us the ability to feel/perceive/receive/desire love. Again, I just can't figure out where the disconnect is. Why can't we overcome our own fears? Why do we put up these walls? Why do we hurt each other and block each other out of our lives? Why is it so difficult to say 'I love you' and why is it so difficult to accept that statement from someone else? Again, I'm not just talking romantically. My sister and I have a hard time saying and hearing 'I love you' from each other. I don't know why. I know there are similar stories out there in all contexts of love.
If we could love each other and love God using the standard and copious examples set in the scripture (seriously they are EVERYWHERE in the Bible), imagine how joyful we would all be.
Imagine if we could really be patient.
Imagine if we could really be kind.
Imagine if we could avoid jealousy. - that's the one that kicks my rear all the time
Imagine if we didn't boast to one another.
Imagine if we could avoid arrogance.
Imagine if we could avoid rudeness.
Imagine if we weren't stubborn. - this one too
Imagine if we weren't irritable.
Imagine if we weren't resentful. - and that one
Imagine if we REJOICED with truthfulness.
Imagine if we bore it all for others, believed in all things, hoped in all things, and with love - we ENDURED all things. (Endurance - there's something our society lacks when it comes to love)
Imagine your life following that rubric. When I imagine my life, trying to love the way God intended for me to love, I am filled with warmth. I wish it were easy. It's so very difficult.
What are the implications on our Christianity when we can't overcome the world and love one another? Where does that lead us? I'm scared. This week really scared me. I thought I had made significant changes in my life, but when I was thrown back into the real world, I drowned.
I'm thankful for grace. Without it, this girl would be a lost cause.
Opinions? Encouraging words? Examples? I'm all ears.
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