The last chapter of Forgotten God has left me with newfound resilience. Chan writes about imagining giving everything over to God without worrying about implications of the world - ridicule, materialism, following societal standards. I don't want that! I don't want to miss out on the amazing opportunities that God will present me with! I trust Him. Wholeheartedly. I know He's got amazing things cooking for me. I want the opportunity to glorify his name. I know that some people will see me or read this blog and think, what a nutcase... I don't care. They can't feel how incredibly full my heart is right now. It's God. It's not some biological reaction to an emotional stimulus through the medium of fear. It's God. It's crazy but it's God.
There's a prayer at the end of the book, asking for the Spirit. One part says, "Speak loudly and drown out the other voices calling us to conform to the patterns of this world" and I feel like that's exactly what just happened. All of a sudden, I am just completely at peace. I acknowledge that I may not get my fairy tale ending. Or hey, I might, but it'll be later. I've got things to do. Uganda is going to be such a blessing to me. I feel it. I can't get distracted by things that look good right now -- Uganda is going to be so much better.
I'm so inarticulably thankful for a supportive family and community of believers. They've chosen to love me regardless of my past and my weirdness and I love them so very much back.
<3 In His overwhelming love and grace! Goodnight.
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